PlayWithMe

Strewth, where do I even start with this bloody website? G’day, I’m Timmy, 28 years old, livin’ in Brissy and workin’ at the servo down the road from my mum’s place. Yeah, I know, living the dream, right? Anyways, I signed up for PlayWithMe.com about three months ago after my sheila of two years, Shazza, dumped me for a bloke who owns a jet ski. A bloody jet ski. Crikey.

So there I was, sitting in me stubby shorts on a Tuesday arvo, three tinnies deep into a six-pack of VB, feelin’ sorry for meself. Mate of mine, Dazza from the footy club, he told me about this site. Said it was better than the usual rubbish and the girls actually talk back instead of just being robots tryin’ to steal your credit card details. Fair enough, I thought, let’s give it a burl.

First impressions? The site’s about as organised as a pub fight at closing time. Took me twenty minutes just to figure out where the bloody chat rooms were. But once I got in, fair dinkum, there were some absolute stunners on there. I’m talking proper ten-outta-ten sheilas from all over – Sydney, Melbourne, even a few Yanks and Poms. One girl said she was from Perth, which is basically another country if you’re from Queensland, but I didn’t hold it against her.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting, mate. I dropped about fifty bucks on tokens – which, by the way, disappear faster than a cold one on a hot day – and started chatting with this sheila who called herself “AussieAngel.” Blonde, blue eyes, claimed she was from the Gold Coast. We got to talking about the usual shit – footy, weather, whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, fight me) – and then things started heating up.

She asked if I wanted to go private. Now, I’ve been to the strippers at the Goldy before, yeah, but this was different. This was just me and her, one-on-one, and she was actually looking at me through the camera. Asked me what I was into, what I wanted to see. I was bloody nervous, I won’t lie. Sitting there in me thongs and a singlet, tryin’ to look respectable while me heart’s going like a jackhammer.

What happened next? Mate, I’m not gonna give you every dirty detail, but let’s just say that by the end of it, I was seeing stars. She knew exactly what she was doing – proper professional, but still made it feel personal, yeah? Like she was actually there with me, not just some pixelated fantasy on a screen. When she… well, when she finished the show, let’s just say I needed a cigarette and I don’t even smoke durries.

Quality-wise, the video was pretty good. Didn’t freeze up like some of the dodgy sites I’ve tried before. Audio was clear, could hear every little giggle and moan. The private room setup is decent – you can cam-to-cam if you’re brave enough, or just watch. I kept my camera off the first time, not gonna lie. Didn’t want her seeing me mum’s floral couch in the background. Classy, I know.

But here’s the thing, and this is important – these girls are workin’, yeah? It’s a job. Don’t go falling in love with ’em like some drongo. I saw blokes in the public chat writing love letters and marriage proposals. Mate, she’s not gonna marry you, she’s gonna take your money and move on to the next bloke with a credit card. Keep it in your pants and your head on straight.

Downsides? The site’s expensive as hell. Those tokens vanish quicker than me pay check at the pub. And some of the girls are pushy as a Centrelink queue-jumper, always beggin’ for tips and private shows. Got a bit annoying after a while.

Would I recommend it? Yeah, I reckon so. If you’re a single bloke like me, workin’ hard, not havin’ much luck on Tinder with all the sheilas looking for free dinners and emotional support? This is a good way to blow off some steam. Just be smart with your money, don’t fall for the “I really like you, let’s go private” routine every time, and you’ll be right.

3.5 stars. Losin’ points for the bloody confusing layout and the pushy tip-begging, but the quality of the… experience? Fair dinkum, mate. Fair dinkum.

Stay safe, wear a hat, and remember – she’s not your girlfriend, she’s just being nice ’cause you’re payin’.

– Timmy, 28, Brisbane

*P.S. – Shazza, if you’re reading this, I hope your jet ski sinks. Cheers.*